COMPASSION

This world lacks compassion for each other. 
Teaching my children has become a impossible task! They just dont get it.
Explaining compassion isnt easy, you have to feel it! Want to really feel it.
Examples of compassion arent seen everyday, but clearly if they were, the world would be a better place.
Volunteer to work in a soup kitchen, serving the less fortunate.
Go to the nursing home to read, visit, a lost soul who has no one in there life.
Feel others feelings besides your own, think of someone's needs before your own. It may be hard to set yourself aside but it is truly important that you do.
Learning compassion may take a few years, but in the end it will be well worth it.
#compassion, #Love, #LessonsinLife, #Caring,

Thats Not Love

I loved you once, I cared once. Why were you freaking attracted to me, A Homely, lonely girl. But every day has been a struggle with you, your anger and emotions, make me fear you.  When I left you it was because I couldn't jump through any more hoops to make you happy. Learning to live without you really wasn't hard, although the pain, suffering, and mental abuse I still carry with me on a recorder in my head, when someone quickly raises there arm and I still duck, choosing my clothes so I don't expose to much are just a few.
This is to let you know, I have found some peace in my life, the road to being healthy, happy, and not haunted. Is a long one.
You will never admit your wrong doings, because you are always right.
I do believe I suffer from PTSD, the slamming doors, the shooting of a gun, the slamming of the brakes on a car.
Taking medicine for depression and low self esteem. They make me social, but I would rather be by myself, also trying to amuse my self,
Trust has became a big deal for me, most people can't be trusted, so don't let people squeeze them self in my life, I do have a few select set of friends who didn't leave my side during my decision to get a divorce,  which most of all my friends.
So because of you isn't an acceptable excuse, I am owning all my toxic relationship, Giving myself credit for finally growing up.
#ThatsNotLove #DomesticAbuse 

Trailer trash or The girl next door

She arrived cute as a button little did I know a complete lie, the neat little package all wrapped up in a fake mess.
I have to admit she had me fooled.
She was already pregnant with my son's child I think, still don't know for sure.
She moved into my house with my son, daughter, her boyfriend. And child  and I, it wasn't long till she acted as if she owned the place. Stuff had to be in a certain spot, etc. I went with the flow because I am easy going.
She tryed to get my son to tell me things to do, again just trying to get along.
From the beginning I never enjoyed her company and I checked out to my room alot just to get away from her.
Then she hit me the first time, again I let it go she was pregnant and under alot of stress. Then it quickly escalated to mental and emotionally abuse.
Again go with the flow, and most of this happened when I was alone with her, and I was sure nobody would believe me.
Remember she wore a coat with wings, but underneath she was Satan.
After her first baby was born, oh my, I wasn't allowed to touch him.  Unless her lazy ass couldn't get up to make a bottle. Again I was a new mother once, first child and all, but this bitch just went crazier by the day.
Basically never happy about anything, yelled and screamed all the time.
Next came that I am better than you and your family attitude she hated my daughters,  not allowing them to come to the house, she treated my sons nieces badly.  So it wasn't long till no one came around to visit anymore. Getting on Facebook and trashing them calling the children inbred, etc.
Then she really started fighting with my son, telling him he was a worthless POS, Niger the list goes on, but she would get in his face and dare him to hit her. We had 911 on speed daily, here all the time.
And now her stubid ass was pregnant àgain. Yes really their son was 3 months old, freaking pregnant again, not only pregnant but pregnant with twins.
She started pushing me alot, and still hitting me, she belittled me on a regular basis.
Now I wasn't allowed to go anywhere she would text me and call hundreds of times. Was no longer able to see my boyfriend, he came for a visit and she physically attacked him in the drive way.
She has told me many times she will laugh when my parent's die. She has trashed them and threatened to murder them. She has call my mom names and personally she didn't like anyone but her self, we called her princess pea  She has thrown things at my dad.
She was running out of things to do to me so she took my dog to another town and putting him in the pound. It cost a arm and leg to get him back, and she did it again. My other dog was under so much stress from her screaming all the time, he went to live with my daughter.
She had absolutely no compassion for anything thing or anyone.
It was always about her, I am becoming broken quickly, really depressed and not wanting to be around her at all.
Then she told me I was fat and she would make my plate, seriously the baby got more to eat than I did,
She started throwing my stuff away if she thought I didn't need it.
More controlling, no napping on the couch, no laying on the couch, so I would go to my room, this crazy bitch would beat on my door and tell me I have slept long enough.
She was supposed to be on bed rest but was always going somewhere and leaving her son with me.
My oldest daughter went in to labor, and she sat her stubid ass up there instead of staying home, and when the baby girl was named after my daughters brother she went off the rails.
After my oldest daughter had her baby I came home to rest. She knocked on my door telling me she thought her water has broken and she had A leg dangling back to the hospital again emergency C-section the twins were rushed to the Nick u in another city one was air lifted, the other in a ambulance it wasn't long till they were coming home.
I tryed loving, helping, this girl but she again was losing it, now on the children screaming you irritate me. Shut up, and whipping her son, I told her she couldn't put an adult head on a child. Then she lashed out at me again, telling me they were her children and she would raise her children the way she wanted.
Clearly having 3 children to take care of was overwhelming and I stepped in and helped her all the time. She thought I owed her this so now when I left the house even for a short time to see my other grandchild she would tell me to get home and take care of the children. Clearly going down fast.
So I was out in the yard with the older child, she ran out the door punched me in the face for leaving a cabinet doors open, and quickly told me that she had to hit me to get my attention. And so I will listen to her.
I also told her that the babies would sleep better if they had a bath every day, this time she attacked me by biting, in my breast and arm. I took pictures of this and went to the doctor to document it.
I told her if she hit me one more time I would call to police.
Again sitting on the porch and she punched me in the face.
But as the police are arresting her she admitted to it, said she hit my son and his mom.
The day the hauled her off to jail was the last time she was in this house.
The emotional abuse, the physical abuse is not something you get over that little recorder in my head plays over and over.
This isn't something I wanted to do, it was something I had to do.
Then came the pleads for me to forgive her, she will change, she will get help.
I didn't give in because I knew better.
Then she was writing crazy shit on face book, if I put a picture  of one of my other grandchildren, one time it was because a baby was setting in her child's high chair. I blocked her only because I didn't want her commenting in my stuff anymore, it did remain peaceful for a while.
Then court date after court date, having to look at this stubid lonely girl defending herself. Wanted me to drop the charges, I would not, I did get my 2 year order of protection from crazy, but she will not stop. She called DCFS department of children and family services on her own mom. Having her sister removed from her care, her mom did get her back after a struggle.
Her sister put documents on Facebook that I had given up my children and flat out used my name. Then that her mother had been charged with children abuse in Florida.
This girls mother took our side, because she saw how she treated me and my son. So the girls brother and one sister rally for the crazy girl, posting that they took out the trash by deleting their mother from there lives. Interesting don't you think?
The only ones really being damaged in this is the children, not being able to see their father. Because she decided who could not see the children.
My son still friends with her on Facebook is completely watched on every comment, and she would write stuff like I want my family back, to buy your kids diapers you worthless piece of shit.
This is far from over haven't seen the kids in 5 months, as she sets back plotting her next revenge.
At this point all my son wants is to see the children without her hanging on him, pretending they are a happy family.

Me, myself and i

Wow took a selfie doesn't look to bad.

True love?

My life hasn't been a freaking bowl of cherries, but each choice I made was mine, no one to blame it on but myself...

#YouThinkYourKool

Tonight enjoying down time with my daughter in a small town, suddenly the windows In her house were vibrating with the loud music outside on the main road.  I walked outside and the car stopped across the street and pushed the button to lock the doors low and behold there was freaking plastic covering the windows... Lol

Bobby Bare my true love

https://youtu.be/g1XPMvPr4tM