Toxic Relationships...

Seriously when discovering that the love of my life was toxic, my life changed.
What is Toxic? Not normal, not healthy, not what should be?
Going the path through life, hasn’t been pleasant, but mostly my own choice, but why are we drawn to Toxic Relationships?
So, accepting that being responsible for what has happened to me, in my life and it was up to me, even though I didn’t really know it was happening, so like brain washing.
The men in our life’s, or women, who are controlling, who want more of us than we are willing to give, who feel like it is there place as our mates to tell us what to do, are more than one of many signs.
Telling you how to dress, not to wear makeup, and when to get home, or how long you should be gone are more signs.
Married to a man or woman you can learn from toxic behavior. Really, it is as if what they want is on the top of your list now.
Truly I worked hard to make the relationship work, but it didn’t work out, being raised a different way, by different parents, that taught me to be independent, and stand up for myself.
So, trying to live up to standards that weren’t my own was really hard.  Really I loved my husband, but his life was different, he expected more than I could give, which I now call Toxic.
Which led to separation, then divorce, but he still thought he was right.
The reasons for leaving are way more than I can express the pressure of being something that I am not, the punishment on our children, and basically thinking he was better than me.
Actually I really wanted a family, a mother a father, kids, normal life, but it wasn’t happening, no matter how I tried.
He was a man that wanted done what he wanted done.  He made my children scared to even be in the same room, he wanted to be the boss; he wanted what he said to go.
Although it took me some time, hoping he would change, he didn’t, I left him.
He changed after I left with our 3 children, never wanting to speak to them or me again
He died, sometimes I feel bad about taking the children away from him, for their sake.  But they really didn’t know him.  Moving away to another state, limited his visits with him, then he didn’t want to see them at all.
The day he died, my heart broke, I loved him, really loved him, but it was all about him.
The children were up in arms, going to a funeral of a man and father they didn’t know. But what was worse, it was a heart breaking moment for me.
My baby was only 18 months when I finally left my toxic relationship, she hadn’t a clue.
My Oldest that was Daddies little girl, remembered him so clearly.
My middle son couldn’t go; he couldn’t bring himself to visit him.
Everything was tears, really sad, emotional for me and the daughters.
Going to the house where the girls were when they were children was too hard for the oldest.
The house, a memorial to the children, this man who was toxic, also was sentimental, he kept the children’s things, the house looked the same, and the curtains I made were still in the windows.
What I am saying is Toxic is Toxic, he couldn’t change; I stayed around long enough for him to change…
Yes I miss him a lot, the children, growing up, Him missing it, but I loved him dearly.