Thats Not Love

I loved you once, I cared once. Why were you freaking attracted to me, A Homely, lonely girl. But every day has been a struggle with you, your anger and emotions, make me fear you.  When I left you it was because I couldn't jump through any more hoops to make you happy. Learning to live without you really wasn't hard, although the pain, suffering, and mental abuse I still carry with me on a recorder in my head, when someone quickly raises there arm and I still duck, choosing my clothes so I don't expose to much are just a few.
This is to let you know, I have found some peace in my life, the road to being healthy, happy, and not haunted. Is a long one.
You will never admit your wrong doings, because you are always right.
I do believe I suffer from PTSD, the slamming doors, the shooting of a gun, the slamming of the brakes on a car.
Taking medicine for depression and low self esteem. They make me social, but I would rather be by myself, also trying to amuse my self,
Trust has became a big deal for me, most people can't be trusted, so don't let people squeeze them self in my life, I do have a few select set of friends who didn't leave my side during my decision to get a divorce,  which most of all my friends.
So because of you isn't an acceptable excuse, I am owning all my toxic relationship, Giving myself credit for finally growing up.
#ThatsNotLove #DomesticAbuse